Sunday, February 13, 2011

Happiness and Homesickness

Are oil and vinegar. I believed. One cannot possibly be happy in their current location, while wanting to be in another.

I had a friend, Amanda, when I was young that would go home early EVERY time we planned a sleepover. Things would be going fine and we would be having fun, but then in the middle of the evening she would become miserable and call her mom to pick her up. It was hard for me as a kid not to take it personally. My mom explained that she was just homesick and had a hard time being away from something that was comfortable to her.

As I grew older I experienced this, as everyone does, but it was never too big of a problem. I’ve always been independent and didn’t feel like I needed my home. I would only become homesick when I was at an awful place where people were unkind to me. I went to Disneyland with a different friend’s family when I was 12. Her stepdad was so dreadful it made Disneyland the unhappiest place on earth. I would have given anything to go home and end that trip.

This lead me to believe that if I am feeling homesick, it’s because I am not feeling happy. But it’s not true.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

As I found once when I created a bread dipping debacle; oil and vinegar, if mixed well enough with a fork, can blend together. (I’m sorry I ruined your oil Lara but really, the vinegar is the best part)

I am all sorts of happy, giddily so, here in New York. Things are going better than I thought they could in such a short amount of time. I have made many friends in different circles and have plenty of things to do. I am no longer lost everywhere I go and things are starting to become familiar to me.

Yet I miss home very much. I miss spending time with people who have known me for a long time. I miss having inside jokes and knowing where I stand with people. I miss driving down the street and seeing places that I’ve known since I was a child.

However, that doesn’t take away from how happy I am. Sure, it’d be nice to be on the inside of a joke once in a while, but that’ll come. I’m not in any way forlorn. As a matter of fact I’m 180 degrees opposite. I understand now that Amanda was not miserable at my house; she just missed the comfort she felt of sleeping in her own bed with her mom in the next room.

I am happy and homesick… And that’s just fine.

1 comment:

Celestie said...

You should've just made the title of this post "I miss Celestie" and left it at that. I miss you too. ;)