I’ve decided this is going to be a new segment. I will proceed to portray my favorite movies based upon descriptions that illustrate how ridiculous they are. I love some pretty absurd movies. So starting with my very first, most lamest favorite movie, here we go…
An ignorant backwoodsman from unsettles Oregon needs a wife to take care of the cooking and cleaning on his ranch because of course HE can’t do it. (Break into song) The only logical thing to do the next time he goes into town is get married. So he does. Love at first sight, you know, cause she had heavenly eyes and was just the right size.
He takes her up to his farm and would you believe it? He mislead her! She thought that when he said, “Nice day for marrying isn’t it?” that he was professing love. Silly woman, he needed a cook, a washer woman, a hired girl. Oh, and did I mention he will also need these services for his six brothers?
It’s a good thing she’s “sassy as can be” because she makes him sleep in a tree, steals all of the brother’s clothes and proceeds to whip the household into shape. This spunky little woman cooks, cleans, breaks up fights, teaches manners, makes them read the bible and schools the brothers on courting, all while singing catchy ditties.
On a side note, the husband is against all of her lessons saying, “What do I need manners for? I already got me a wife”
Well played. Well played.
Time for the big barn raising/dance off/brawl scene.
Now that all of the brothers have set their eyes on the woman of their dreams, which before, they “ain’t never hardly ever seen one” they all want to be married. So after grieving for their girls, breaking into song about how a man don’t sleep when he sleeps with she, and getting crazy notions from the bible, they go into town and steal the girls. But of course, this bein’ God Fearing Territory, they have to kidnap a preacher as well. To make it all stick, they create an avalanche to close the pass so the girls can’t escape and their families cant rescue them. If that ain’t love, I don’t know what is.
Damn, they forgot to get the preacher.
Doesn’t matter, all the brothers have been banished to the barn for the rest of the winter. Well, the husband isn’t having this; he goes away for the rest of the movie. Good riddance, maybe the trapping cabin will teach him some manners.
To sum up the next 5 months of the movie, we will need 3 breaks for singing and snowballs with rocks in them. Them poor little dears.
By the end of the movie Stockholm Syndrome has set in nicely and everyone is in love. Break for song. Wife has a baby. Youngest brother goes to get Husband (Oldest Brother). Oldest Brother says it’s just a trick to get him back. Youngest Brother punches Oldest Brother. Oldest Brother swallows his pride. Husband and Wife kiss and make up. Husband has learned manners.
The pass it open!!!
The town’s people come rushing up to get the girls. Girls don’t want to leave. They’re in love now. Big scuffle. Rolling around in hay. Women cry. The dads say they’re going to string the boys up from the nearest tree. Women cry more. The women are losing the battle for their men.
So, how does a woman keep a man who is slipping from her grasp?
Commence with shotgun wedding….