Thursday, April 28, 2011

On Being Particular

I do not have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If I had OCD I would need to brush my teeth in a counterclockwise motion on the outside, and an up and down motion on the inside, for at least 2 minutes for fear that someone I love’s life would be in danger. That’s just silly. I still have to do these things, but no one is going to die if I don’t.

I am particular.

I have to make my bed in the morning with the black pillowcase openings pointing outward and the pink pillowcase openings facing inward.

I have to put mascara on twice.

I need to wash my hands after; driving, riding the subway, eating, sneezing, cooking, typing, using my mouse, cleaning, using the bathroom (but that one goes without saying) being outside, being inside, being asleep, being awake. Let’s just say I wash my hands frequently, but not because I have some sort of germ phobia. I wash my hands repeatedly because when my hands feel dirty, my face feels dirty. I wash my hands to have a clean face. Of course.

I have a serious deficiency in the quantity of hangers I posses for all of my clothes. I need to buy more so that I can stop pretending my shirts are dirty solely because I don’t have a hanger to put them away on. But the hangers have to match. Currently I have blue metal hangars and white plastic ones. (Now, before you tell that these don’t match, it’s because I need the metal ones for a certain type of fabric and the plastic ones for another. Of course) I cannot find hangers in the store that match the ones I have, so that means I will have to get rid of my current supply and buy a completely new collection. I can’t bring myself to be so wasteful (both of the hangers I currently have and my money) so I will continue to live with my inadequate closet.

I have to sleep on the side of the bed furthest from the door because I feel like my room looks weird if my nightstand is on the same side of the room as the door.

I can’t get manicures because they file my nails in the wrong shape.

I have a sock thing. Once a year I buy a new set of multi-colored, no-show socks from Famous Footwear. Always Famous, always two packs (because they’re buy one get the second half off) then I throw my old socks away leaving only my fresh new socks. But that’s not even weird. I then throw them all into my sock box willy nilly… Knowing how particular I am you’d think they’d have to be folded properly, but that would ruin the next part. I always have to wear my socks mismatched. If I reach in and accidentally grab a matching pair I will put one back and redraw. You’d think I was a 14 year old.

Don't ask

But I know I’m not alone… How are the rest of you particular? Can anyone top my “wash my hands to have a clean face” nonsense?

Monday, April 25, 2011

How to Cope with Work Stress in a Healthy and Effective Manner

Option 1: Eat your sorrows away

Like many of you out there, my job is insanely stressful. I often ask myself why I dedicated years of schooling, hours of volunteer work, 5 years professionally, and often my social life to TEENAGERS of all things!! They’re disrespectful, ungrateful and mean. But luckily I have developed three very effective coping mechanisms to deal with the pressure. I feel like you too can benefit from my scientifically proven method (warning: my sample size is one)

Step One: Find a store within walking distance from your work

Step Two: Walk to the store when you are feeling stressed. (Bonus: this gets you away from the office and out into the fresh air. Sometimes “fresh” is a bit of a reach, however)

Step Three: Buy the quantity of candy bars that reflect your level of stress.
Note: If you find yourself wanting to buy more than 4 candy bars, go directly home and proceed to Option 2.

Step Four: Always go to the same store so that the people behind the counter can judge you and your caloric intake

Step Five: Flirt with the man behind the counter so that maybe he’ll give you the goods for free.

Step Six: Go back to your office, close the door, and eat your feelings.

I don’t care what Oprah or Dr. Oz say, this shit works.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

The All Mighty Troll

Oh My Troll!

I know my posts are usually silly, but let’s try semi-serious and see how it feels. I mean, as serious as we can get about a Troll doll with flaming red hair.

I went through a time in my life when I believed in God. I believed in the one particular God who has a certain set of rules, expectations and commandments. Belief in this God requires a belief in many other very precise practices. As I proceeded through college my belief in this specific definition in God was tested. I remember taking one class in particular that left me feeling as though I couldn’t be an educated person AND maintain my current religious beliefs and practices.

I then went through a time when I did not believe in God as an entity at all. This was about three years ago when I felt like my religious beliefs were discriminatory and small minded. I had only known of God from a religious point of view. Without the religious aspect of deity, I didn’t know how to have any God in my life. So I did away with the concept entirely.

Nothing profound happened during either of these times to force me into thinking that one way is the “right” way; allowing me to settle into my own definition of the Universe and how I fit into the scheme of things cosmically. It’s been nice figuring things out on my own and finding contentment.

However, about a year ago I was making major decisions in my life. I was trying to get a new job, move a lengthy distance, make a decision to end a relationship, avoid the negative vibes being thrown at me, and generally do what was in my own best interest. It was all huge, new, and scary. I didn’t feel I needed to turn to God when my life became trying, but I did feel like I needed a way to center myself and think about what was best for me. This is when I began meditating. It was the perfect solution. It’s much like prayer. I set aside some time to be quiet, think about things I’m grateful for and put out positive vibes for the things I want to happen for myself and my loved ones.

I started feeling more at peace and grounded than I had ever in the past. This was about May of 2010. Things were lining up for me and going in the direction I knew they should. I was feeling a peace I had never before felt and making decisions that were right for me.

But a small problem arises for others when a person prescribes to their own spiritual belief system. Well wishers didn’t know how to support me. I didn’t find this to be a problem for myself particularly, but religion is a community endeavor that others want to be involved in. The responses varied from mild to extreme. Some thought I might be offended if they talked about God to me. Others didn’t understand how I was able to put one foot in front of another without a high power’s blessing. But those in the middle tried to adjust to the difference and integrate the new Savannah.

During one particularly bold (reckless?) decision I was trying to make, my friends wanted to be supportive. Many people said they’d pray for me. That’s awesome. Other’s told me I should pray. Not going to happen. But one thoughtful friend said she was going to bow down to the All Mighty Troll for me.
 When I stopped laughing, I realized that she had done the nicest thing anyone had done for me. She invented a neutrally expressive way to support each other spiritually.
Thank Troll

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Anxious Anticipation

I know you wait with baited breath (sounds like something that happens after eating tuna) for me to post. Like I just may have something worthwhile to say. Well jokes on you!

But I'm taking my responsibility (that can't be the right word) more serious and that means you can count on a new post every Monday and Thursday morning. How's that for consistency?!

Bad grammar aside, have a little patience, I'm a busy woman.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Random Shit #7

I would do anything for love… But oh no, don’t make me do that!!!

I had an ex-boyfriend who loved his ex-girlfriend so much that he would frequently talk about her with fondness. (note: don’t get into a new relationship until you’re over your old relationship) It was fine though, I understand your past makes you who you are, but damn, if you want to be with her, be with her.

But that was the problem.

They dated for 2 years and he wanted to marry her, but she was *gasp* a Mormon!

Dun, dun, dun…

That in general wasn’t the problem; except that he didn’t want to be one, and she wouldn’t marry him unless he was one. So they reached a stalemate and called it all off.

And I think… I think… that answers the age old question.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Facebook Official

It’s a thing.

My recent change in “Relationship Status” has made me ponder. It’s a dangerous thing; pondering. I try to avoid it. People usually end up confused and disoriented when it happens.

For the past 3 years (The timeframe in which I’ve had a FB) my status has solidly read “Single” with pride. *Exception: the time I thought it would be funny to be “Married” to my friend Lara. It turned out not to be so funny when, coupled with rumors of my lesbianism, I started to receive phone calls from loved ones “supporting me no matter what I chose to do.” I appreciated the acceptance. That was reassuring.* But I digress.

Let’s begin again... For the past 3 years my status has solidly read “single” with pride. This doesn’t necessarily mean I was single, but I wasn’t dating anyone noteworthy enough to inform my friends, family, Mark Zuckerberg, and the entire cyber world of my situation. So I took careful consideration before making the change.

The decision to change one’s status cannot be taken lightly, because the social networking population does not take it lightly.

It’s a thing.

Who knew?

But the severity of the “thing” is generational and varies in degree by age. Middle Schoolers become “FB Official” in the blink of an eye and once again become single just as fast. High Schoolers are Official after a couple of weeks and draaaaaaaama ensues once the status is returned to single. In College and thereafter more consideration is taken, because, as this is a “thing”, the change in status at this age has clout.

As we learned when Lara and I were married in the holy church of Zuckerberg, Facebook Relationship Status = Legitimacy.

I can’t be held responsible for the severity in which FB is regarded, but from this point forward I will be more responsible with the settings of my information bar. I apologize for taking it lightly in the past, it won’t happen again.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Arrogance in America

As a psychology major I had the pleasure of studying, in depth, what is considered “normal” and found that it is an extremely complex concept. What is viewed as normal varies in each culture, society, neighborhood and even family.

I am definitely not normal in my family, but my family is probably not normal in society… Ergo… I am normal in society?

In America, it’s considered normal to respond to a compliment by saying, “thank you”. Any other reply is viewed as having low self esteem. I am in the business of teaching social skills to teenagers. One of the skills I promote is…

Accepting Compliments
1) Look at the person who is complimenting you
2) Use a pleasant tone of voice
3) Thank the person sincerely for the compliment
4) Say “thank you for noticing” or “I appreciate that”
5) Avoid looking away, mumbling, or denying the compliment

These are solid steps to help any self conscious teen learn to have confidence in themselves.

On the other hand, I have had to replace step number 5 with…

6) Avoid boasting, bragging, or saying “I know”

But I feel we can generally say that steps 1-4 are proper “accepting a compliment” etiquette.

In college I also had the pleasure of taking a Cross-Culture Communications class as part of my International Studies major. This was to be my 3rd Bachelor’s Degree. (Before you begin to be impressed, I had to drop out and didn’t even get my second degree. Ok, you may still be impressed if you’d like) While in this class we discussed the differences in the way people communicate and we specifically talked about how different cultures regard compliments.

In France the above mentioned steps are HIGHLY arrogant. The proper response is blatant disregard. I imagine the skills steps would be…

Accepting Compliments *France Eddition*
1) Look at the ground
2) Use a muffled tone of voice
3) Deny the compliment emphatically
4) Say “what this old thing” or “ugh, I hate this shirt”
5) Avoid showing appreciation, pride in your possessions, or smiling.

With all this in mind, I know I’m not very “normal” socially, but if you compliment me I will say “Thank You”, I’m just that arrogant. So I guess, in the scheme of things… I AM normal… Yes!

This is a major accomplishment for the weird girl who likes to touch plants and paintings.

God bless America where arrogance is “normal” and socially acceptable.