Monday, May 23, 2011

You Can do Side Bends or Sit Ups but Please Don’t Lose that Butt

I’m here to set the record straight about being sexy. Some women are sorely misguided.

I’ll only say this once so listen up: If you are making sexy poses and not pulling off sexy, you’re too skinny!

I don’t want this to turn into a rant about how here is too much focus on being thin. But there is too much focus on being thin, I tell you. You really cannot go anywhere without being accosted by advertisements for weight loss and dieting. There seems to be a push for a general shrinking of our goods. BUT WHY??

I have a friend (you’ll notice I never use my friend’s names so that I can later deny which friend I’m referring to) who has recently acquired her big butt. She spent the first few months lamenting the change in her britches and then buckled down to shrink it. What she doesn’t seem to understand is that she looks so much better with the extra jiggle in her walk.

My boyfriend is always saying, “If loving big asses is wrong, I don’t want to be right.” Thank Troll for him.

I have been doing P90X for about 35 days now. I started it for many reasons; swimsuit season, general healthiness, improve my running ability, but the absolute most important reason was that my boyfriend just finished the program and he looks freaking amazing. I mean serious boyfriend upgrade. However, I couldn’t have him looking better than me.

Actual Photo
So now I’m a third of the way through P90X and I have run into an unforeseen problem. I’m getting too skinny. I was excited when I lost 5lbs, and stoked when a few of my tighter pants started fitting better, but now I’m getting nervous. I still have about 50 days of this nonsense left and what if I lose my beloved curves?
I’m ok for now (I make sure to eat whole pizzas by myself and lots of ice cream) but I feel this weird conflict. I can’t stop working out because I’m in a contest with money and pride on the line for finishing, plus I’m enjoying my new abs. But my ass! I don’t want to lose beloved derriere. In fact, my ass loving boyfriend generally hinted at that if my beautiful booty were to diminish there would be problems in our “R” word.

But that’s just the point I’m trying to make. Ladies, are you hearing me? We all know how much better we look when we’re thick and curvy, yet we try so hard to get rid of the exact thing that makes us appealing.

I know what you’re thinking, this sounds like a skinny girl complaining about being skinny, but you know I’m right. Take a look at Sofia Vergara (not the photo-shopped pictures) and you can see what I’m talking about. She is hands down the hottest woman right now. She's rocking her healthy body and looking mighty fine in her curves if-I-do-say-so-myself.

Bottom line, we look and feel better with our extra grabby meat, so go eat a whole pizza and don’t work out today, because we have to keep our… well… our bottom line.


Ashley said...

So fond of you. :)

Celestie said...

I hate you.

And I am sooooooooo going to finish P90X before you. So you'd better BRING IT!!