Thursday, June 9, 2011

Whilst doing P90X I had an Epiphany

Tony Horton is a Sadist
Once a week (twice during recovery week) I get the pleasure of doing an hour and a half of yoga. I say pleasure both seriously and with heavy sarcasm. I love yoga, but an hour and a half! *

The first 45 minutes are all intense moving poses guaranteed to leave you dripping with sweat so profusely you’ll need to wear gloves for traction while doing downward dog. The next 25 minutes are all balance poses. There’s something about Tree Pose makes everything feel right in the world. But then just when you are feeling relaxed, BAM! Tony hits you will Yoga Belly X. Kiss my ass Tony! I’ve just done more than an hour of yoga and now you’d like me to work my abs? Who does this guy think he is!!

So I do it… swearing all the while… And then heaven comes: Child’s pose, happy baby and then corpse pose (aka, lying down). While in corpse pose Tony says, “If you can believe it, I’m not going to say anything for a full minute”. Well I can’t believe it and he actually only makes it about 40 seconds before he starts running his nonsense talking, bad movie quoting, mouth again. But in that 40 seconds of lying on my back, eyes closed, relaxing after an hour and 20 minutes of yoga, the epiphany hits.

For as much as I need Tony to stop talking and as often as I mute my workouts so that I don’t have to hear him anymore, it is actually something he said that caused me to have this moment of insight.

Tony tells us how important it is not to skip this part of the workout** He says that it’s part of the Yang energy in the Yin and Yang. After working so hard and expelling so much energy it’s important to sit quietly and calm your mind.

This got me thinking about cosmic balancing forces. Do we always have to have a balanced Universe? I mean, that sounds right, but it’s a little discouraging.

Por Ejemplo:

I am currently the happiest I’ve ever been in my life… And the most stressed.

I don’t just mean a little bit of stress that is making me frustrated. I mean I’m so stressed I feel nauseous most of the day, I wake up hourly every night out of panic, and I am continually breaking down crying my eyes out. Conversely, I have never felt more joy as I walk down the street and look at children playing in the hydrant water, my heart feels like it will lift right out of my chest, and I laugh louder, play harder, and feel deeper than I can recall in the past. It seems about right that those two seriously conflicting emotions would go together.

But this makes me worried. When I go back to not feeling despair (dramatic word choice) in every corner of my job, will I also have to return to only feeling happiness at a mediocre level?

I can recall back to times when I was stress and worry free and I remember my happiness levels were nothing to remark about. I also remember times when my happiness was intense and heightened, but my stressors at the time were nothing to scoff at.


Is this our fate? Does anyone agree with me? Does a person have to feel extreme sorrow to feel extreme joy? Am I about to start my period? Am I an overanalyzing drama queen? Maybe.

I feel like it can't possibly be the case. At least, I hope this can't possibly be the case.

Let's have a little discussion, shall we. I am going to turn off the filter for my comments on this post. Please impart your wisdom on this matter. Let’s overanalyze this together like the drama queens we are!!

* I’m at about day 50 now and I HATE Tony Horton. He, his short attention span and counting inconsistencies can kiss my ass.

** I always skip this part. Shhhhh, don’t tell but by the time we get to the lying around part I realize I have other things to be doing.


Ashley said...

First and foremost, I adore you. Your posts are the favorite part of my day and I really hope you chase after your pajama wearing dreams to become a writer because anything you write I will read/love/buy.
Second, I think you are about to start your period. lol I do agree that joy and stress are kind of "friends" but I don't think you have to have one in order to have the other. I think that for the most part we choose to be happy in our lives in spite of all of the stress, paun, garbage BS stuff that is going on in our lives.
So while you are super dooper stressed, you are a master at finding the joy in your life and finding the things that you should be grateful for.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you are good at recognizing the diamond in the pile of coal. Make sense? I sure like you!

Ashley said...

Postscript: my paun I mean pain. of course :)

Megan said...

They say we can't fully appreciate happiness without sorrow, but I think now that you've experience such hard times, and you Do appreciate happiness, even after the stress is gone I think you'll always be able to feel happiness on that level, so long as a part of you always remembers what you went through.

Celestie said...

A) I too believe Tony is full of crap during yoga when he says he won't talk for a full minute, and every time I'm doing it I say "Yeah right, Tony."
2) I'm also glad to know that you too skip that part, because I quit yoga after Happy Baby (I still like that one). ;)
And D) I've spent the last 6 weeks pissing and moaning about what rotten luck I have, how life has been screwing me over lately, and how, so far, 2011 has really kicked my trash and I hate it. But in the last week or so I've had a little epiphany (sp?) of my own and I've reminded myself how firmly I believe that everything happens for a reason, and there's some reason for my rotten string of luck, and that some good must be coming my way. I think it's just easier (at least in my case!) to see the crappy things that ya just gotta look harder to find the positive things. I guess in a way I believe that you gotta take the bad with the good, it just depends on what you choose to make of the bad.

Angela said...

I have done power 90 (the old one) and I too would sling swear words and hate in the general direction of my TV.. I’m thinking about giving this program a try. You sure are some great motivation lady..

As for this perfect post!!! It has started such an amazing discussion between my brain, and my brain.. I feel the EXACT same way. In this past year and a half I have been through the worst experiences of my life. Left my husband and moved out on my own, my mom was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer, I lost my job of 5 years and that’s just the tip! That being said it's brought me to this AMAZING place. I've started a new more stressful but higher paying job, I am on my own downtown and I love it (even though it was breaking the bank at first) AND I joined my friends band. It's a lot of time and commitment and I lose A LOT of sleep over all of these things but I have never been more fulfilled.. I’m completely out of my comfort zone and it feels so good.. I truly feel that I am ENJOYING life!! On the flip side, I have never cried more, hurt more, or been more stressed (but I’m no longer comfortably numb).. In this past year of my little self discovery I have found great friends, some that have been there all along but I didn’t even see them. I couldn’t, I was in a tunnel!!

Before all of these things happened my routine consisted of going work, going home, eating fast food, hitting the sac and then doing it all over again. On the weekends I would go to bed at 4 am after zoning out to the TV all night and then I’d sleep until 2pm. I’d stay in alllll weekend. Sleep was my hobby. NOW the last thing I want to do is sleep. And I can’t remember the last time that I grabbed something greasy and sat in front of my TV with it.. If someone asks me to do something on a Tuesday night I say yes! I’ll have a drink and hang out until 2 am on a week night! This surprises the shit out of me. I would have NEVER done that before.. I love these new challenges and I enjoy the company of other people. I am no longer a hermit. So I agree.. It’s all about balance.. I never understood people when they would say that they “worked hard and played hard”. Now I do…. I completely relate to this post.

I'm sorry for my novel but I appreciate you opening it all up and making me realize some things about me..

PS. I hate that I you live in another state and I’m just finding out about you and who you are......