Monday, July 25, 2011

You’re Motivating and Depressing Me. Stop It.

You know that thing where you get a new friend on facebook that you went to high school with over 10 years ago and you are so excited to see their face again that you spend the next half hour of your life stalking their photo albums and seeing what they’ve been up to.

We all know that’s a thing.

I know I’m not the only creeper out there. Facebook has allowed voyeurism to become acceptable and commonplace… And has caused narcissism to be removed from the DSM, but that’s for another post…

A new facebook friend is an exciting time in the Savannah brain. For those of you who can calmly accept a friend request and move on I shall explain to you what goes on in my head. Hold on, this can get scary.

Example 1: “OMG OMG OMG, Shelbie Turtledove!!!! (Name changed to protect the innocent) I haven’t seen her in 10 years. What in the hell has she been up to??? I have to know everything that has happened in the time that has elapsed because what if I should have been better friends with her because our friendship during this time could have benefitted me in some way.”

Example 2: “Heather Shaplamaman!! Look how fat she got!! I used to be so jealous of her body in high school and look at her now. Oh, damn, she had 3 kids... I guess she’s doing ok body-wise.”

Example 3: “SHIT!! It’s Devon Schnoogly, I had such a crush on him. Let’s look through his photos and see if I’m hotter than his wife. I am. Of course. They look so happy together. Damn that could have been me! Oh, they have 4 kids. I’m glad that’s not me. She’s actually pretty cute. Good for him”

But the last one is the one that gets me all the time.

Example 4: “Look at all of Paul Hammerblammer’s photo albums. They are from all over the world. Oh man! He’s been to India, I’ve always wanted to go there. He looks like he’s having such an adventure in Thailand/Greece/Spain/Germany/Argentina. Now I hate him. He’s been to so many amazing places. What have I done? I’ve wasted my whole life!”

I've spared the really judementally things because I like to think I’m not that kind of person. I'd like to think I can be happy for them and not happy because of them.(Like laughing with them) But it’s still kind of scary.

Every time I see one of my friends who has traveled more than me I feel like I’ve completely failed in my life goals. There is such a big world out there and I have barely even seen a small fraction of it.

But it gets worse.

I worry that because they have been to all these places, when I finally get there it'll be like I'm coping them. As if because they have been there first it’s not an original idea for me to go. Or that their trip is going to spoil my trip for me. I know there is something messed up in my head but when I see people doing all of the things I want to do I feel like I’ve been a failure for not doing these things sooner.

But that’s not all my friends… Oh no, it still gets worse.

The nonsense about not traveling as much as other people makes a litte sense because I really want to travel, but as I look through people’s photos and lives I compare myself to them on every level and think…

I haven’t traveled enough

I’m not married enough

I’m not divorced enough

I don’t have enough kids

I don’t have enough dogs

I don’t ride horses/race motorcycles

I don’t rock climb/camp/swim enough

I don’t have an exotic boyfriend in Peru

I haven’t run in enough races or EVER come in first place

I have too many tattoos

I don’t have enough tattoos

I’m not engaged enough

I don’t live in Seattle/Washington DC/Boston

I’m not artistic/musical

I’m not religious enough

I’m not Atheist enough

I don’t have any family photos of us all wearing matching outfits

Whew!! It’s exhausting in my head! I don’t even want most of those things but the fact that other people have them drives me crazy! Crazy I tell you!

(I have a feeling the crazy might have already been there.)

I need to not be so hard on myself. When people read my blog and they tell me that I’ve done so much and I’m so inspirational to them I just want to grab them by the shoulders, shake them and say “IT’S NOT ENOUGH”

But it is, isn’t it…

So… What do I do? I motivate myself to do more, BE more. And then I remind myself that I just moved my ass to New York and I need to cut myself some slack. I have things going on. I’m busy.

How silly is it that we’re all walking around thinking the same thing of each other; all of us being motivated to do more but the accomplishments of another. As I see the things people do, it makes me want to do more. Yet right next to me is someone who I didn’t even notice that is looking at me and wishing they were doing the things I’m doing.

It’s wonderful!


On that note I want to send a special thanks to some people who motivate me every day to be better and be more. Whether through words of encouragement, constantly loving me, pushing me to do more, or by looking through their accomplishments on facebook, these people make me strive to be better…

Nancy Sadler, Dan Atkinson, Megan Vincent, Celestie Stout, Travis Dutson, Corrie Norman, Angela Phillips, Scott Poole, Ashley Lovett, Rain Gmuer-Johnson, Ashley Gosselin, Becky Fawson, Elizabeth Weaver, Shabnam Shahparnia, Samantha Scheuerman and Kim Herget

I’ll try not to disappoint you.


Megan said...

Not exactly sure why I'm on there, but thanks! Don't be so hard on yourself. I've also noticed everyone wants to be everyone else, and it gets us no where.

Ashley said...

A shoutout? For me? I am flattered beyond belief! My darling Savannah Applesauce I love you more today than I did 15 years ago when we met in Jr High School. Even if you tried your super dooper hardest you could never disappoint me, because you are amazeballs. Love you much and more!

Mom said...

You have told me before that I inspire you and I have often thought..."Sure I have. She knows exactly how she does not want to be!" I can only hope that along the way I have said or done something good for you.
I think some of the names in your "Thank you" at the end are totally made up! Hehe.
You could never disappoint me, by the way, You don't have it in you to become fat, lazy, etc. You are Savannamazing!
You need to relax a little, though. You'll miss all the fun in life today if you keep stressing about what you "coulda-woulda-shoulda" done! Enjoy today, it is here for the taking!
Love you tons!

Keem said...

I'm with Megan on this one. I don't do too many interesting things.

On a related note, I am going to two new places I've never been before next month: Calgary and Portland, OR. Is that inspiring at all?

Celestie said...

I'm jealous of the name "Hammerblammer". I'm not Hammerblammer enough!!!!!!! :) Thanks for motivating ME.

Angela said...

You definitely never disappoint.. I have all of those thoughts with new FB friends too.. I feel less alone when I read your posts!!! And I'm with Celestie.. YOU motivate me as well!!!