Thursday, September 22, 2011

Irrational Fears

In preparation for Hurricane Irene sweeping through town we were doing the usual; buying too much water, stocking up on wine and condoms and pulling out the extra candles as we got ready to hunker down for the duration of the storm.

After the frenzy of preparation died down and we were lounging easily with our first glass of wine for the night, Dan tells me that his biggest concern about the storm is that we may be without power for a couple of days.

That's reasonable, but I wasn’t terribly concerned, so like the insensitive biddy that I am, asked him why? Was he concerned that the food would spoil? Because at any given point the only thing my fridge has in it is eggs, beer, milk and bread, not a big loss. Was he concerned that it would be dark? Did I mention the extra candles... so what was it?

His reply, "Being without power for several days."

Right... But what else?

"Being without power for several days!!!"

There had to be more... right?

I just didn’t understand, but I let him carry on with his fear of what I could only determine to be fear itself. I supported him outwardly, but mocked him inwardly; until a week later when I was resting easily on the beach and I saw this...




I was minding my own business, relaxing at the beach, when this plane had the audacity to fly by streaming this banner behind it.

HUGE BANNERS FREAK ME OUT!!!

Especially when being suspended in air behind a plane!! I was racked with anxious fear. I was scared to unreasonable proportions.

Why?

There are many reasons why I COULD be afraid. The banner could become detached from the plane and fall from the sky. It might get caught on something. The banner might even get tangled in a tree and be hard to get out.

Oh, my!!

These sure are unfortunate things to happen, sure, but they aren’t what causes me fear.

I am simply afraid that this banner exists at all.

Did you hear me? A GIANT BANNER IS FLYING THROUGH THE AIR!!

That's it. That's what I'm afraid of... So, I guess I'll cut Dan a break for his perfectly legitimate  fear. He may have no reason behind being afraid of the power going out, but at least it's something worth worrying about. I have no reason to fear GIANT FLYING PAPER.

I'm not alone in my nonsensery, right? What is the most unreasonable fear you have? Leave me a comment about it, and the person with the worst fear will get a special gift from me! I'll fly a banner past your house that says "You're a Lily-Livered Ninny "

Just kidding, I would never torture you like that
.

6 comments:

Dan said...

It wasn't a FEAR, it was a CONCERN. As in, "Well, I'm not concerned that we're going to have flooding up to our waists and possibly drown, I'm mostly just concerned that we'll lose power."

Need I remind you that I'm the same guy who wrote this?

Megan said...

Eye drops. For no reason at all, I just don't like to put them in. They don't hurt, they don't blind me, I just don't like it..keep them away.

Celestie said...

Midgets. Definitely midgets.

Savvy Pants said...

Well, Celestie, That is quite irrational and offensive... And not politically correct.

Celestie said...

:) My old roommate was terrified of midgets. I never have been. I just thought it was a good irrational one. Mostly I'm just afraid of being old.

Celestie said...

...there I said it!!!!!