Sometimes celebrities are terrific, super-human beings that leave the world in awe (Oprah) some are gorgeous, eye candy that you just want to bone (Hugh Jackman) and some are brilliant entertainers but incredible douche bags (Christian Bale) but then there are those who transcend the realm of celebrity-dom into the real, wonderful, world of *gasp* human beings. Every once in a while one of these celebrities will come to light and you think, MAN, I just have to know this person!! You see their body of work, read interviews and watch them being themselves and you think, “Why aren’t we friends?” For me, that is Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
And THIS is what the letter would say if I was ACTUALLY a super-creepy, stalker, weirdo who sent letters to celebrities thinking that would somehow work. I’m not the aforementioned kind of freak, so all I can do is hope that we’ll run into each other while walking our dogs and their leashes will get tangles 101 Dalmatian style and we’ll strike up a friendship from this hilarious encounter. *Just another reason why I need to get a dog.*
Dear Jesse Tyler Ferguson,
I would like to start by saying that I’m a huge fan. But that wouldn’t be true. I’m just a regular sized fan. Huge fans are awkward and a little scary, of which you should probably run away from and make them keep a 500 foot distance. No, I’m just a regular old fan. I watch you on Modern Family and I think you are delightful. I’ve never googled you to find out intimate details about your personal life, but I have IMDB’d you to see if you were in any movies I might like to watch. Incidentally Wonderful World is now in my Netflix queue.
So, I’m a fan, and have been since I saw your shining face on Modern Family three years ago. But it has come to my attention through your recent endeavors that, not only are you delightful as a character, but also as yourself. I feel that we would be great friends. I enjoy your personality and your sense of humor reflects my own.
I’m going to keep this short and to the point because I don’t want you to think I’m weird. Well, shit, I mean I’m totally weird but it’s in the quirky cute way and NOT in the collect your toenail clippings kind of way.
Let’s grab coffee next time you’re in New York
What do you think? Would you be friends with me after receiving a dazzling letter like this?