Tuesday, September 13, 2011

A Special Education on the Proper Care and Maintenance of Your Lady Bits

I’m throwing out my first ever disclaimer. Maybe you’re thinking that I should have disclaimed posts before now, or after reading this you think a warning was hardly necessary, regardless, I want it stated that I’m making you aware before we begin: We’re talking about vaginas today. (We may talk about penises… Just for fun) You’ve been warned.

It’s no secret that proper gardening is important for everyone, (Not only women, men need to have their run-in with the hedge trimmers as well) so let’s evaluate the why’s and how’s of the situation. 

Why? Because it’s oh so lovely! Having our nether region tidy keeps everything pretty and perky. Proper landscaping is also proven to be hygienically beneficial. And last, it’s deliciously inviting… Just try to tell me I’m wrong…

How? This is where it gets exciting. There are so many options for HOW to do it and HOW the finish product can look. I am going to skip the show and tell portion for designs and you can google vaggy pics yourself but just know that there are shapes and designs. You may want to consider heart shaped, straight line, triangle, and my favorite baby’s buttock. (You can also consider Vajazzle. It’s a thing, google that too)

·         Shaving: I’m not a big fan but will resort to it in a pinch.
o   Pro: It’s free, quick and self-maintained. Also, if kept up on a regular basis is a simple and effective process
o   Con: Razor burn, ingrown hairs and hassle. It also allows your hairs to grow in super thick and bristly. (but that may just be me and my scary backwoods wilderness situation)
·         Waxing: My choice to tackle the Bushiest Beaver.
o   Pro: It lasts a really long time and the hairs grow back less dense. Also, if kept up on a regular basis it is quite painless of a process 
                          *They also get your backside which is rather pleasant to live with and not at all painful to get done.

o   Con: It’s rather pricey to be paying for every 4-6 weeks

I was brought to light about the importance of bikini maintenance from my roommate in college. I had JUST gotten out of the shower and was wrapped in a towel when I decided that flashing her would be funny. Once she recovered from the initial shock she stated that it was about time for me to do a little lawn maintenance. I informed her that I just barely had done so and how much did she expect me to take off?That’s when I got the most useful advice of my entire college experience: 

Trim it like a Peach, not a Plum.

These were words I followed diligently.

You may be saying, “but Savannah, that’s contradictory to what you’ve said here.” 

And you are correct. I followed her advice, until of course, I learned the beauty of waxing it all off for the benefit of, 1) a hairless bum 2) the smooth and sexy feeling of it, and, naturally, 3) oral sex. It also became slowly more popular and to have a Brazilian. 

The more popular it became, the more enticed I was to get one. I started out just getting my bikini area done so that swimsuit season could pass by effortlessly, but slowly I wanted more and more hair to disappear. I became hooked and gradually moved towards complete hairlessness. 

This was a lot of shocking panty talk and I hope no one is terribly traumatized but I’m afraid I just can’t leave it here. Although I’m sure my male readers have learned a lot (maybe more than they wanted to) about the female hair dilemma, I also have a little bit to say to them directly.

There is nothing wrong with getting your own Back, Crack, and Sack waxing for the exact same reasons! Enjoy. 

*I hope I didn’t frighten away any readers. I love you all and my next post will be something about kittens or chastity*

1 comment:

Celestie said...

A) Kittens or chastity...hehehehe.
2) Check out what blog post number this particular post is for this year. Irony, much? and
D) Thank you for NOT posting any pictures on this post. :)